Two events have collided this week for me. A personal experience crossed into the fiasco I have seen unfold on the news. Let me start with my personal story.
First, we had a landscaper come in to help clear an area of our yard that was overgrown and not cared for when we moved in. We wanted to get down to the floor of the lawn, overgrown with vines and leaves, and trim up the trees, taking out a dead one. My husband had discussed this with the neighbor one day, and she seemed excited that we were planning to do this, stating they wanted that too. So when we started the clean-up, we were not particularly worried about the property line, but clearing the area, most of which was in our yard. Or so we thought.
Sure enough, the man next door came over and chewed out the landscaper's assistant. Colorfully I guess. Once we caught wind of it, we pointed out the line and asked them to make sure they left the neighbor's side alone. We were confused about it, but since the neighbors never came over to talk with us, we assumed it was a bad day, and that things were fine. We were wrong. The next day, he came over again, approaching the assistant first, accusing him of trespassing. The landscaper finally got involved and asked the man to speak with us. I saw him approach the landscaping crew, so I went to get my husband to talk with the neighbor. As Mark left the front of the house, the neighbor walked quickly into his house. This dance happened several times. The neighbor appeared to avoid us at any cost and chose to chew out the assistant. Hang in there - I have a point.
So on day three, I wandered into our backyard, as the landscaping crew was working within our fence, and asked if there were any more issues. Our landscaper smiled and then pointed to the assistant and said, 'No, but he has a theory for you. Go ahead, she won't mind.' The assistant said to me, (and I am paraphrasing and trying to give you a bit of the spoken language - it is part of the story) 'Don't you be naive. This ain't about the line, this 'bout having a black man working with a machete on your property. Had this happen before ma'am, so I know what I sayin! Got let go from a job cause the owner don't want no black man on his land. This the south. White folk don't like no black folk in the neighborhood, no way. That what you dealin' with here, I sure of it.' I just couldn't speak. I finally choked out, 'I am sorry,' but I had no words for him. What could I say?
We talked about it that evening, and I wondered, could this be part of the issue, or is it a bad coincidence? Why had we not considered racial prejudice a part of our property line issue? Of course I noticed his race. I didn't consider what working in our neighborhood might mean. What is our neighborhood and why? I know it is racially-mixed, but obviously our guests did not. And does our neighbor have a differing view? And of course, being a woman, I know what it feels like to be treated differently, so I also don't want to diminish anyone else's experiences by saying, "Oh, I am sure that isn't it." So sorry was all I could say...and yet, what was I apologizing for?
So take two, the issue with Paula Deen. I feel awful about the entire situation, but probably not for the same reason. I have no particular sympathy for Deen. She had no issue perpetuating stereotypes of the Antebellem South as if it is a simpler time we should yearn for. It blatantly shows her complete ignorance of issues of racism and slavery. Why would anyone want to promote this as an ideal part of our history - particularly when racism and oppression continue across our planet. Should she be a spokesperson for the new, gentle south? I think not. But she does represent what I see as a south "all dressed up with a dirty neck." We want to present the south as beautifully cultured, but the issues of cultural prejudice continue beneath the surface. Do I think the Food Network should drop Deen? They have no choice but to do so.
So my world has collided with the bigger world this week, and I am forced to think even more deeply about how we confront racism, stereotypes, or inequities on a daily basis. I feel great guilt for being white in this place, knowing the ugliness that has existed here. So how do I change it? My husband and I both made a point of shaking all the landscapers hands and thanking them, eye to eye. It isn't enough, but what if each of us chose to meet each other openly, talking about the issues we face as human beings. And I have to find new ways of helping my students uncover their own preconceptions and cultural stereotypes or we perpetuate these issues. We have to talk about those things that are hardest to talk about.
Here is the bigger picture for me. We can't fight prejudice against
culture, gender, sexual preference or socioeconomic status if we don't
confront the assumptions we make. And we can't confront those if we aren't willing to hear what someone else is trying to tell us. I am not beyond my own prejudices. I have realized that I am ready to apply my stereotype belief like the one I hold about athletes (not bright, only worried about their bodies), or about the rich (vacuous, self-centered, wanting to keep their money to themselves). I would say men like Paula Deen's brother Bubba make my skin crawl, as I identify him as the type of man who makes me so uncomfortable. I imagine the sexual innuendos he probably makes that I am supposed to accept as him being funny, or the ways in which he puts women in their place with stereotypical comments about their sexuality. It reminds me of the times I was unable to stand up for myself, even when I felt I was being put down for my gender and the job I did.
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