Just Don't Do It...The Things I Would Not Do

I was watching the Today show as I was trying to wake up this morning...I had been up again at 4AM, tossed and turned until 6AM and then - as us usual when this happens - I fell soundly asleep again.  Fighting to wake up, I was watching Ann Curry interview President Clinton about his book choices for the holidays.  He mentioned Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (edited of course, from the Greek).  I found myself sitting up and taking notice when Clinton said, "When people are in power, it is most important to think about what they would not do." And I instantly thought of the "Just Do It" mentality of the world we live in...what would that mean if we had to consider what we would NOT just do...

I thought about what Clinton said about watching people running for office.  Is it hard to figure out where they draw the line in the sand? Or is it rhetoric? And it got me thinking about the cues you might take from folks about what they just would NOT do.  It speaks directly to the heart of what we are made of.  What we value about ourselves and other.  What we hold most dearly about living life.  Isn't that hard?

I suppose you can say, well, you know if someone is anti-(fill in the blank here), that is what they wouldn't do.  Only I am not sure that is true.  What if it is your daughter who is raped and left pregnant at 14?  Until you stand in those shoes, can you truly say what you wouldn't do?  Maybe.  If  you knew there was a medication that would save a loved one from certain death, would you steal it if that was the only way to get it?  Do you know, until you are faced with those choices? So do the politicians have any way of sharing some 'tested-by-fire' morals they have? Or does their past behavior determine their future behavior? Do we forgive the past behavior in hopes the future will allow them to make better choices?

Those are extreme moral dilemmas, and of course, most of us will never have to face that in our lifetimes. Most of us will never plan to run for public office.  We do have to consider those choices carefully, as they will affect our lives in the future.  But consider also, that each of us are in some situation where we wield power.  We do face small moral issues each and every day, as we wield our personal power in life. We have power as teachers, as parents, as spouses...perhaps as chairpeople in organizations...the small ways that have the capacity to affect many.  How do we use the power we do have? How do we NOT use it?

I thought of my own shortcomings.  I have been criticized for being too understanding, too forgiving, too quick to trust, when it comes to dealing with students.  SO many times I have heard, "You are too nice to them."  When I consider this, I realize there is one thing I will NOT do:  I will not give up on giving trust. I refuse to live by reacting ahead of time to the worst my students could do.  Instead, I chose my actions based on what I won't do...which is begin at the point of distrust.  This doesn't mean I am a pushover, but I feel it has always served me well.  Sure, I have been burned, but have you ever experienced the loss of someone's trust in you?  It is devastating.  And is a better lesson for my students - and one I hope they remember - than if I had never given that trust. When I withhold my trust, it is with good reason.

So what will I not do? I will not live my life from a point of distrust of humanity.  Call it naive, trust is one of my core values.

Other than that, I am not sure what I would NOT do.  It is an interesting way to look at my actions, my perceptions, my travel through life.  What have I chosen NOT to do and what does that say about what I value? I am going to spend some more time chewing on this.  I wonder - are there things you have chosen NOT to do that tell others the most about the core of who you are?

Nice to meet you! What do you do?

When we are meeting new folks around town, it is natural, I suppose, for them to ask you what you do for a living.  At least, I think that is what is intended by the question, "So what do you do?"  It becomes a bit more complex when I am among other faculty members, as I learned last night.  I believe others around me thought I was having a "blonde" moment, but I was purposefully being a bit obtuse.

When I was asked, "What do you do" I responded, "I teach with Greg at the School of Music." That identified my relationship to our host for the evening, and the school at the University I belong to.  Well, that wasn't what he meant, so he asked the same question again.  I responded, "I teach music education methods courses." To me, that was making perfect sense, also knowing he was getting at what musical activity I was most intimate with.  I continued with a brief explanation of what I taught.  At this point, he was beginning to become exasperated, and I was slightly tickled at the prospect of seeing how long I could string him out.  Finally he said, "NO, I said what do you do?"  and I felt it was simply time to cut the conversation loose.  So I responded, "I am an oboist." To which he responded (with some relief since I was being dense in his eyes), "oh, very nice!"

Now here is my observation.  Even outside the music circle, folks want to pin me down to a specific instrument.  Do we ask an English teacher about the specific books they are experts in? We don't ask architects what style houses they prefer to design do we? But when it comes to artists, it seems our very identity is somehow tied up in the instrument, voice, or medium we work in.  It strikes me a bit odd.  After all, I am far beyond being an oboist in my head.  I identify myself as a conductor, a researcher, a writer, a teacher, a musician - who happens to also be an oboist.  When I am pinned down in a conversation, it feels like it diminishes who I am a bit.  Why is being a music educator not enough?

I am not offended, and I realize that artistic people are somewhat of a curiosity to folks.  But among musicians, why must there be such clear boundaries? It doesn't allow me to share that I feel most musical when I help others find their own musicality.  If I say I am an oboist, it doesn't tell you that I love jazz and taught it well, that I adore teaching about teaching and that I feel called to write, think, research, and share everything I can to make education a better place.  It doesn't say anything about how I feel music education is moving through a paradigm shift, and I want to help in that transition.  It doesn't allow me to identify myself primarily as a music-teacher educator.  And that causes me to wonder why the identification of a specific instrument defines me more appropriately in other musicians' eyes.

It is just curious to me.  It has been a more difficult path for me to move from being a band director-music teacher to being a music teacher-educator/researcher.  There are still times when the old identity fights for recognition, and challenges the authenticity of my newer one.  But I realized today that I don't feel I can look back any longer and reach that person...I am transformed, and the world looks much different to me today than it did five years ago when I started this journey.  And I say that with great joy - I want to describe what I do in greater detail than "I am an oboist" because there is so much more than that to who I am as a musician and teacher!

So I will continue to pause and reflect on my own responses in these situations.  What is the first thing I say? How do I identify myself in different situations?  Who is it I present myself to be? Think about it.  How do you respond to "What do you do?" I look forward to hearing some responses from all of you!