Passing on wisdom...

Part of my journey back to school to get the Ph. D. was my desire to share the lessons I have learned through my own teaching with the next generation of music teachers. I hoped I could share these lessons in ways that would make their lives easier, make them smarter faster, in order to move the profession forward in new and exciting ways. Much like I hoped to share how I have arrived at this place in my life, battle-scarred and tired, but ultimately very happy, with my own children. Neither of these ideas have panned out the way I hoped that they would. This realization speaks to my transformation as well.

First of all, we are each the sum of our experiences. These complex interactions shape us, just as we shape the interactions we have, as we are having them. And as we think on past experiences, our thoughts shape who we are becoming and how we react to the next set of interactions. So though I can tell wonderful stories about my experiences, I can't prevent anyone from stepping smack dab into the middle of an unwelcome experience. I can be empathetic, just as I can make you feel you are not alone in this crazy profession. I can suggest tools and habits of mind to find your own way out...but I can't prevent them from happening.

Secondly, as much as we love our adult children, they don't believe us. They never seem to think our stories have a bearing on their lives. And to be fair, I am not sure as parents, we see them as they are! I often wonder if I have frozen them in some time warp of post-teenage-hood that doesn't allow me to really see who they have become as adults. I suppose it is the same with children being able to understand their parents as people. I want to soothe the pains of young adulthood, protect them from anything that would not allow them to be happy. Unfortunately, I can't prevent those experiences either, as much as I want to. I can only THINK about the tools and habits of mind I wish I had taught them when they were young and malleable. I don't dare offer bits of hard-won wisdom without an invitation to do so!

I thought being able to look back over all these years would allow me to give clarity to others. I realize now, this is not the point at all. The truth, my truth, is that I have found the clarity I need to move forward in my own life. I continue to weave the fabric of my life, just as my students and my children are weaving theirs. We each chose the threads we use, the colors we like, the designs we desire. Even as we swear we are unlucky or that something is happening to us, we are in the process of reacting, projecting, interpreting, the designs we weave into our lives. It is what living is all about.

I really wish I could wave a magic wand over those I love, those I care about, those I teach, and protect them from future regret, or allow them to feel the warmth of what is the promise of their futures. I can only stand on the sidelines and coach, sometimes quietly, sometimes noisily, with as much grace as I can muster, to be present through all the excitement, the joy, and the tears. And in the meantime, continue to work on any wisdom I can find, from those who have walked before me, allowing them to cheer me on from the sidelines.