I wanted to write a tribute
to my mom, and make sure that everyone would know how special she was, but
there simply are not the words for the emotion. Yet, mothers are universal and
in what I leave unsaid is also a shared understanding. We know our parents in very different ways I
suppose – not really as people in some respects, but as our protectors, our
guides, our hearts. The connection is
deep and meaningful, and probably the ultimate purpose in life – to have that
unnamed, limitless love surrounding us. How lucky when any of us have
experienced that.
My mom still is that
enveloping love for me, though she isn’t physically here. I wanted to say what
I think of most, but honestly, I miss her voice the most. I find myself calling the house phone when I know
Dad isn’t there so I can hear her. It
doesn’t make me sad at all – it serves as a comfort to me when I feel lost
without her. Academically, that makes perfect sense, in that our mother’s voice
is the first voice we ever know, before we have a consciousness. My heart knows
it is much more.
Probably folks know she was
driven, she was philanthropic, she had high standards for herself, and for
others. What can I share that you
wouldn’t know? She was quick-witted and funny.
She listened like nobody else, endlessly, as I talked endlessly. Nobody
listens to you like your mom. Nobody
heard me like my mom. Nobody knows me like my mom did, in all my imperfection, as
she did all her children. She loved her
family deeply…every last one of us.
The picture I have in my head
of my parents has been there a long time. I remember a red brocade dress and
fur coat she would wear out with my dad.
She was beautiful standing beside him, and I have this internal picture
of them – probably in their 30’s – going out, and I thought they seemed so
glamorous and intriguing, I was sure other kids wished their parents were as
cool as mine. I don’t know that she ever felt beautiful, or knew her children
saw that, but I did.
I remember discovering my
parents were human beings – probably as a teenager – and being quite
exasperated with that. But I loved
spending time with them, and checked in all through college…and mom babysat my
children while we did masters programs and lived with them. And lord, I am sure
that is not easy on anyone! I think she
knew we appreciated all those things, but sometimes I wonder if I thanked her
enough for what she did for us.
Did you know my mom was quite
a spirited child, teen, and young woman? She told some pretty funny stories of
her escapades, often laughing and shaking her head. And in the end, I know she wanted people to
think of her as giving, as kind, as a good person. I know it mattered that she was here for all
of us. And I hope we all have a special JoAnne memory that you can share and
hold dear.
I am the person I am because
of my parents. It is hard to separate
mom from dad, because they have always been a team. And I am thankful for that. Perhaps the greatest gift we give our parents
is found in the way we chose to lead our own lives in tribute to them. I know
Mom was found of the saying, “We give our children two things: One is roots,
the other wings.” And that pretty much sums it up. One conversation about the
distance we all live from her, she laughed and said that living far away was
not her intention when she stitched that saying! She encouraged us all, even when that meant
we would travel far from her side. That
is pretty incredible, but also a sign of her adventuresome spirit. I miss her
every day and I am sure I always will.
I’d like to share a poem to
close:
when I go from this place
dress the porch with garlands
as you would for a wedding my
dear
pull the people from their
homes
and dance in the streets
when death arrives
like a bride in the aisle
send me off in my brightest
clothing
serve ice cream with rose
petals to our guests
there’s no reason to cry my
dear
I have waited my whole life
for such beauty to take
my breath away
when I go
let it be a celebration
for I have been here.
I have lived.
I have won this game called
life. rupi kaur
