Rhythms, Dissonance, and Seat Belts

What do rhythms, dissonance, and seat belts have in common?  I use these to describe what it is like to take on a new activity.  Or an extension of an old one.  I'm using these to talk about what it feels like to be new someplace.  I mean the kind of new when you have been here long enough for folks to know your face or name, but haven't quite been absorbed into the fabric and rhythms of the place, the job, or the community.  This isn't a bad thing - it just is what it is.  Only nobody ever really talks about what that is like.  The excitement or feeling of fulfillment one can have.  Or why it can feel a bit empty or lonely.

I have been thinking about this more just because I know my student teachers are having an experience close to this one right now.  They are in new schools, and will go to yet another new position in 5 or 10 weeks.  They are expected to jump right in, communicate with their on-site educators and their university supervisors, all while completing their electronic portfolios and being responsible to the university as students. And let's not forget, they are performing teaching duties during all of this.  If that doesn't cause some bifurcated identity issues, I don't think I know what would!  So part of my job, as I see it, is to point out the dissonance in what they are experiencing and help them adjust to whatever the rhythm their brand of dissonance presents.  Which means sometimes you will be in-sync with the world around you and other days, well, not so much.

I suddenly realized, after my second conversation on a Saturday with a slightly confused senior music major, that I could honestly relate to their sense of disequilibrium.  I float in and out of that space myself quite often to be honest!  I am upfront with my colleagues, and tease about my situation quite often. Just Wednesday, one said, "On cue?" and I said, "I HATE being new!" And though there are so many great things about coming to a new place, once the shine becomes a bit familiar, the large amount of information that still needs to be digested by the newcomer becomes indigestion at times!

For example, I was sitting in a meeting this week and three times had to ask what in the heck we were discussing. There were so many acronyms being thrown around, I couldn't quite keep up with the conversation. Once I asked about the acronyms, I missed the important part of the sentence. Only without knowing the acronym, I couldn't possibly understand what that important part was!  I figure I only got about half of what was discussed during the meeting.  Maybe that is a good thing, but somehow it simply makes me feel a bit more like I am standing in the fringe.

Another example was a training session.  I was trying to get some help on the front side of some technology work.  But the trainer said, "What questions do you have?" and all I could say was, "I don't know! I won't know until I sit down and don't know WHAT IT IS I don't know!" You know? In other words, sometimes it is only the direct application and experience that can bring you to the knowledge you need to create for yourself.

In academia, much like teaching music in the public schools, you are isolated in your classroom.  Unlike public school teaching, it isn't that my time is scheduled for me with passing periods and a specific lunchtime, but that I must schedule my time in a way to get everything done.  There is an assumption that coming through a doctoral program and entering the profession as a music teacher educator you know how to do that.  I didn't have a real cohort of people I came through a program with, so I am never really sure if I am doing things well or not well enough.  I watched my professors, I have asked lots of questions, and I have a sense of what I should do.  Or are my standards too high for now? Am I doing what I should be so they will keep me?  Am I working too hard or hardly enough? What is 20% of my time? What is 60% of my time? How do I figure out what MY time begins and the JOB time ends?  Are my experiences bringing me to any direct application of what I need to be doing? Or am I floundering around looking busy, only the busy-ness doesn't really matter?

At this point in time, it just feels to me that everyone (and I do mean the larger society of music teacher educators, everyone) seems to have a rhythm to going to conferences, teaching, writing, publishing, organizing their days, or the like. The sense is that I don't fit into that rhythm, and I don't know how to find it.  Having been through three public school teaching jobs, and then the big change back to school, and this last one into a new job, I realize that is a very normal part of adjusting.  I feel out-of-sync because I don't have a clue what in-sync might feel like.  Since nobody is harrumphing at me yet, I can only assume it appears I am in-sync with my colleagues and that I will figure all of this out.  Figuring it out is a lonely place at times.

Which brings me back to my student teachers.

Not only have they left the only thing they have ever known (being a student), they are immersed in the deep waters of teaching for the first time.  They may feel alone because they physically are separated from everyone and everything that is familiar or they may feel stress about living among different people and being away from campus and the professors who are still demanding work from them.  I wish I could tell them it gets better or that it will be okay.  It is normal. It doesn't get better, I suppose, it is just different.  And the transition from university to job to master teacher is an even longer and more arduous task for each of us personally.  Each change will bring those feelings back, and cause dissonance that brings further growth and development.  The good news is as we construct new knowledge about where we are now, it can inform both past, present and future!  Not having these experiences can cause stagnation, as we stop having to construct new ideas, new perspectives - new parts to who we are as people.

The path to constructing who we are is a bumpy ride.  I plan to fasten my own seat belt, and do the same for my student teachers, as we grow through the rest of the semester together!

Just Don't Do It...The Things I Would Not Do

I was watching the Today show as I was trying to wake up this morning...I had been up again at 4AM, tossed and turned until 6AM and then - as us usual when this happens - I fell soundly asleep again.  Fighting to wake up, I was watching Ann Curry interview President Clinton about his book choices for the holidays.  He mentioned Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (edited of course, from the Greek).  I found myself sitting up and taking notice when Clinton said, "When people are in power, it is most important to think about what they would not do." And I instantly thought of the "Just Do It" mentality of the world we live in...what would that mean if we had to consider what we would NOT just do...

I thought about what Clinton said about watching people running for office.  Is it hard to figure out where they draw the line in the sand? Or is it rhetoric? And it got me thinking about the cues you might take from folks about what they just would NOT do.  It speaks directly to the heart of what we are made of.  What we value about ourselves and other.  What we hold most dearly about living life.  Isn't that hard?

I suppose you can say, well, you know if someone is anti-(fill in the blank here), that is what they wouldn't do.  Only I am not sure that is true.  What if it is your daughter who is raped and left pregnant at 14?  Until you stand in those shoes, can you truly say what you wouldn't do?  Maybe.  If  you knew there was a medication that would save a loved one from certain death, would you steal it if that was the only way to get it?  Do you know, until you are faced with those choices? So do the politicians have any way of sharing some 'tested-by-fire' morals they have? Or does their past behavior determine their future behavior? Do we forgive the past behavior in hopes the future will allow them to make better choices?

Those are extreme moral dilemmas, and of course, most of us will never have to face that in our lifetimes. Most of us will never plan to run for public office.  We do have to consider those choices carefully, as they will affect our lives in the future.  But consider also, that each of us are in some situation where we wield power.  We do face small moral issues each and every day, as we wield our personal power in life. We have power as teachers, as parents, as spouses...perhaps as chairpeople in organizations...the small ways that have the capacity to affect many.  How do we use the power we do have? How do we NOT use it?

I thought of my own shortcomings.  I have been criticized for being too understanding, too forgiving, too quick to trust, when it comes to dealing with students.  SO many times I have heard, "You are too nice to them."  When I consider this, I realize there is one thing I will NOT do:  I will not give up on giving trust. I refuse to live by reacting ahead of time to the worst my students could do.  Instead, I chose my actions based on what I won't do...which is begin at the point of distrust.  This doesn't mean I am a pushover, but I feel it has always served me well.  Sure, I have been burned, but have you ever experienced the loss of someone's trust in you?  It is devastating.  And is a better lesson for my students - and one I hope they remember - than if I had never given that trust. When I withhold my trust, it is with good reason.

So what will I not do? I will not live my life from a point of distrust of humanity.  Call it naive, trust is one of my core values.

Other than that, I am not sure what I would NOT do.  It is an interesting way to look at my actions, my perceptions, my travel through life.  What have I chosen NOT to do and what does that say about what I value? I am going to spend some more time chewing on this.  I wonder - are there things you have chosen NOT to do that tell others the most about the core of who you are?

If Anyone Asks Me...

This week I received an email with a plan the government has for addressing the problems with education. I must admit, after the first few paragraphs, I was disgruntled. Not because I believe education doesn't need reform, but because I think that we are still missing the entire crux of the issue - nowhere in that document did the author(s) describe what an educated person of the 21st Century should look like, act like, or know. Why would we design a system to correct something when we don't know exactly what it is we want as an outcome?

You might say, well, we need accountability. Apparently, the government needs to blame A PROFESSION for this mess. So the suggestion is to test the teacher candidates...and if they pass the test, they get to teach. These teachers get jobs, but if those teachers fail to have their students in the K-12 classroom pass their 'tests' then we can hold the universities (who trained those teachers) accountable for the failure. Hmmm....with that logic, shouldn't congress be held responsible for the failings of the banks? Or the lack of jobs? I mean, who is the ONE person responsible for this mess? Seems to me, with that logic, one would be able to tag the ONE person responsible, punish them and be done with it right? All fixed. As sarcastic as I am being now, I am not saying that accountability isn't vastly important. I am just saying that perhaps we are continuing to look at education the wrong way. By looking backward instead of forward.

For instance, let's go back to a discussion of how to educate a child. What do we want for that child? What is needed for that child to become a successful member of society? As any of us of a certain age would agree, the world was vastly different during the century our grandparents lived in, and it has changed even faster for the next two generations. Change is not likely to slow in the near future. Rather than looking back to 'regain' what we think we have lost - which is a post for another day - perhaps we should begin to look forward to what we need to gain. What we might imagine the future to be. We don't need to relive the good old days - we need to create the good ol' days of the future! And we have to determine what that might look like before we decide how to assist our children in getting to a future we may never see.

I can tell you what isn't going to work. Creating a generation of Americans who can't imagine the next big thing. A generation devoid of creativity...a generation where having ONE right answer to bubble in is the only way they understand how to achieve. A generation who believes competition is more valuable than collaboration, and that winning is the only goal at any cost.

I believe our children need the kind of education that encourages them to continue to be curious about the world over a lifetime. The kind of education where each student is encouraged to be the kind of adult who uses his or her imagination to envision a better world, a better car, a better yard, a better family. The kind of education that encourages collaboration and construction of knowledge which acknowledges the multiplicity of viewpoints and celebrates diversity. The kind of education that is truly the social equalizer, where no matter how much money a parent makes, each and every child will have access to the same kinds of programs in art, music, theatre, dance, health and physical education. The kind of education where the graduates lead by example, with a highly developed sense of social justice and emotional intelligence. The kind of education which encourages the ethics of care for all life on the planet.

What do we want for our nation in the future? Again, I sure don't want a group of adults leading the country who trained in ways which were obsolete by the time they began their careers, because it was flush with tests that had bubbled-in multiple choice answers. I want adults who can solve problems creatively because they can think in many different ways, and can work well with others, finding solutions to the difficult issues that will continue to plague mankind. I want adults who care as much about the welfare of others as they do for their own, where making a buck involves lifting others up, not keeping it away from someone else.

Anyway, if anyone would ask me, that is where I would start.