Buying the 'Forever' House

Buying a house is probably best for those who are psychological thrill-seekers.  The rest of us work hard at being informed consumers, but truth be told, we are probably reacting in a manner deeply ingrained in each of us. It is a difficult process wrought with emotional and cognitive dissonances that are often difficult to weed through.  I had forgotten some of that in looking at homes with my husband, but today I was reminded!

First, let me say, we have been looking for over a year.  We started with my first trip to Greenville, when I went to see a few homes, and toured neighborhoods.  We came back in May (yes over a year ago) but were not comfortable buying a home without selling ours.  So we looked and waited, and watched, and looked and waited, and finally rented a beautiful home close to the university when our house didn't sell.  By the time we were fortunate enough to sell, the holidays were upon us and we let that time slip on by.  As an early spring rolled around, we dipped our proverbial toes back in the water and then just jumped right in!  So here we are, nearly sixty houses later, with what we have determined might just be our forever home.

The problem of course, is that no place, no home, is perfect.  But when you have been through as many houses in the area as we have, you begin to determine what you really want to have, what you think you can live with, and all those other emotional needs and ideas about money that seep into the cracks of every decision you try to make.  The house we chose seemed to also chose us..silly as it sounds. My husband wanted to live in two stories again...check.  He wanted a garden space, which this one has in droves.  We needed a fenced backyard, and a nice, big, open kitchen where the family can gather.  We really loved the four bedrooms we had in our last home, and hoped to find that again.  We did.  We wanted at least two full baths.  A separate laundry room. My husband wanted an enclosed porch for plants and morning coffee, and a garage was something we have missed sorely over the last five years.  All checked off! 

I have a red plate we called the "special" plate that has the statement "You are special today!" emblazoned across the lip.  We used it with our kids as they were growing up, and as we stepped into that kitchen, there was one just like it!  Each room we stepped into offered something special that seemed to fit into the way we like to live in our homes.  The downside? It is 6 miles out of town and I really wanted to walk.  I don't think I will be walking 6 miles to school anytime soon!  Now I have to battle the traffic of a morning commute, and I have all 8AM classes next term...hmmm...but when we went back to see the house, I just couldn't imagine it really bothering me.  The thought of walking into that house at the end of a long day felt right.  So we made the dive!
Sounds like a love story right? Well, my husband and I have totally different ideas of what negotiating and buying a house are.  We approach life the same way.  I react to things almost on an instinct of what I like, what I want, what I do. I fall hard and fast and stay loyal to my decisions.  I err on finding the shiny, the clean, the clear, the glorious in the moment, and he is very cautious, examining every negative thought he can come up with as if he is paid to do so.  Example: He actually voiced a concern that IF it would get too cold for too long, the screened porch MIGHT not be enough protection for the delicate olive tree, which would mean he could lose the tree or it MIGHT lose all its leaves. I just looked at him with "Whaaa???" all over my face. I mean, who thinks of that? So I said, "Couldn't you bring it into the garage?" To which he said, "Oh, well, probably that would work."  Me: "Isn't that what we did in Indiana? Brought it inside?" Husband: "Yes, but it is much colder there." Me: "I am really confused.  SO we are buying the house for Olive Tree comfort?" I was really concerned we were going to have to attend to each and every single plant species before we could agree on the house.

And so it went.  Every good thing I found, he found three negatives. And here is the kicker.  He does the same thing EVERY time we buy a house! We fought like cats and dogs over our last two purchases - the first, over a house I loved, the second over the one he loved - and yes, I was pushing him because he said he loved it!  You can imagine if HE loved it, and I gave in, that when he pulled back, I went a little, well...ballistic might be the word.  This morning I was so mad at him, I took the longest, hardest power walk I have had in a while.  I think the dog enjoyed it, and it worked off some steam.  And the two of us did finally agree to a number to counter the counter-offer.

I suppose our outlook on homes (my mom is a superb homemaker and taught home management - his mom was a terrific homemaker as well) and on money (our parents came from agriculture, grew up with large families and little money having to work hard for what they had). Their homes have always been warm, welcoming, and beautiful places to be.  And we feel your home is a reflection of who you are, and we struggled to figure that part out.  I mean, am I a brick ranch in the city or am I a two-story colonial in the country?  Am I a fixer-upper or a ready-made dream?  What we can afford, and what we want to spend also comes into play.  I want to push it, he wants to save it.  I figure things out to the penny, he wants to pinch every penny!  We simply roll as we did as children, teens, young adults, I suppose.  So he digs in his heels and refuses to negotiate, while I prod and plead and try to get a bit of movement from our side.  I have to admit, the dissonance in our approaches seems to work well for the deal we get.  I only push hard when I am SOLD on what we should do and that seems to be the only 'giving' he does.  So we end up with a fair deal, and when he is done moaning about the expenditure and bills, I think he will really enjoy it.  I know I will!  But the process?  I would rather not, thank you.  This is why it is now to be known as the 'forever' house!

I probably have deeper observations on all of this, but we close and move one month from today - gotta go pack!